The Space Between

Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our happiness. Stephen R. Covey

I am rereading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and came across this text. It hit me on the head and woke me from a walking sleep. The clear unadulterated truth of the space between captured my attention with the possibilities of different choices.

Had I always made the best choice for my growth and happiness?

The answer to that question of self-examination also becomes an answer of self-determination. My choice in any given moment may be wildly inconsistent from the previous moment or from the next. But it is the living through the different choices I have made that I discover what encourages my growth toward self-awareness, or my slide toward self-pity.

The results of my choice, made in that instant between stimulus and response, come to define both myself and my world. I am “at cause” in that instant of decision. The results flow from that point, either moving easily through my life or creating obstacles of my own making.

As Mr. Covey notes, “I realized that I choose responses that would affect the stimulus itself. I could become a force of nature in my own
right.

Your Thoughts Create Your World

     I am a card-carrying member of the Eternal Optimist Club (there is no such organization as far as I know, but someone should start one). I know that the sun always shines whether we can see it or not, the earth continues to turn no matter who sits in the Oval Office and the river of life flows on. Even though a boulder or two may drop in my path, or a sudden, unexpected storm may darken my day, I usually find something good about the situation.

So what good could ever possibly come from a tragedy that seems to destroy everything you have strived or worked for?  It doesn’t matter if it is a health or financial crisis.  It is when something happens in your life that stands as the silent testimony that life can change in an instant or turn on a dime?

It all depends on how you look at it.

When I teach seminars on “How to Create Health,” the first thing I ask the audience to do is to take a deep breath, then point to themselves. Some people look surprised, some are reluctant, but to this day, every single person in the audience points to the same area of their body.

Their heart.

That simple gesture has profound consequences in everything you do. When you take a moment to consider who your really are, you don’t point to your head, where your thoughts reside, you point your index finger directly at the middle of your chest. The identity that is “you” is not made up of your thoughts or beliefs about yourself or the world – it lives, grows and expands from your heart. Basically, “you” are not your thoughts!

Dr. Wayne Dyer, an internationally renowned author and speaker in self-development, advises to “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

You always have a choice about how you are going to look at a situation or circumstance. You can decide to focus on the negative (“What a horrible thing to happen…”) or the positive. No one makes that choice but you. And you do it in every moment you are awake, breathing and alive.

Follow the logic…if “you” are not your thoughts, beliefs or emotions, but something greater that resides in your heart, and then who is in control of your thoughts and beliefs about the world?

You are.

Once you truly accept that simple statement and allow it to guide your thoughts, the creation of your dream life lies in the palm of your hand. You can change your thoughts about anything and start to feel more vibrant, alive and joyful. Catch yourself whenever you allow negative thoughts and change them into something positive. Do this on a consistent basis and you will begin to feel better, more hopeful and joyful. Try it on something small or simple and then expand this technique to more complicated issues.

Keep a journal of your “thought experiments,” record the negative thoughts, how you changed them, and what effects came from that simple decision to change your outlook. After a while, patterns will emerge that provide valuable insight into many habitual thoughts that have kept you reacting the same way to the same situations.

It is simple – change your thoughts, and change your world.

As John Milton, the English poet, wisely observed, “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.”

What you perceive to be “bad,” is. What you think of as “damaging” or “wrong,” is. You define your world by the thoughts you think. Two people can look at the same thing and have totally different thoughts about it. Instead of choosing negative thoughts, make a conscious decision to see the good.

The simple truth is that from the flames of destruction, something bigger and better can be born.

It will happen if we think it will.

Water Musings

Image via Wikipedia

Water flows and adapts to the banks of the river. It never complains that the shore is too small or not the right shape. It just continues to flow and move, adapting, changing and accepting.

Waves are powerless to stop crashing on the shore. It is the endless dance of creation and destruction, moved by the moon and sustained by the sun. The waves hold nothing back as they meet their destiny; the shore does not cringe or falter as the rush of nature’s power pounds, grinds and takes away.

Water adapts to the shape of the container. The same amount of water can look like more when the glass is tall and narrow, or less when the bowl is wide and open. Effortlessly changing shape and form, it is the same water, composed of the same number of drops and molecules. The shape of those drops and molecules changes as the container changes.

Are you more like the container, rigid and inflexible, insisting that life conform to your exacting standards? Or do you live your life as the water, expanding and contracting as the situation demands, but never spilling a drop of yourself? Effortlessly accepting change and scope but always aware of your core values?

If you are more like the container, it might be time to accept the past, release those persons or things involved and offer the entire situation to God or the Holy Spirit for healing. Your goal is to become fluid and flexible. Not exacting in your expectations of the result but focused on the feeling of your desires.

By releasing your desire to control the outcome, you open a space for God to step into the situation. The water knows it is flowing towards a bigger ocean, just as you will evolve into a bigger version of yourself if you let go of the limitations in your thinking. We are only as big as our thoughts…if you allow God to expand your thoughts into something for his purpose, how much larger will you become?

God is limitless abundance. You have only to surrender to him and let him take care of the “how” while you define the “what”. Your purpose while in form is to be an open portal for His love and grace. He will support your efforts a thousand times because that is what he made you for – to be His creative hand on earth.

You are an instrument of God… A tool of creation. But you are not an inanimate object with no influence or direction. Instead, God created you to create, but he gave you the greatest gift of all – the ability to choose. He will never violate your free will, but He will welcome you back with open arms when you choose to return home.

Just like the prodigal son.

So as you journey in your life, making choices, remember to be fluid like water, flowing over, under and around the stones and limbs that block your path towards a bigger you.

Forgiveness is the Door to Happiness

Forgiveness is the door to happiness.

That statement is contrary to popular belief and cultural norms.  We are so focused on who is right that we have forgotten our greater purpose…to forgive so we can be happy.

The opposite of forgiveness is judgement.  And in every moment we take a breath, we have a choice between the two.  They cannot co-exist in the same space and time.  They are mutually exclusive…and available to all of us in every single heart beat.

As Rickey Minor noted in his book, There is No Traffic on the Extra Mile,

“What does not have truth or integrity to it has nothing to feed on but itself.”

Judgement feeds on itself.  It fosters and encourages anger, resentment, pain and intolerance.  It separates us by pointing out differences.  Judgement is a path we choose and one that eventually leads downward to destruction.  It feeds on itself.

Forgiveness creates more.  It does not tear down but builds up.  Forgiveness based on acceptance and love encourages more acceptance and love.  It is the other path we choose and one that will lead upward to happiness and a much closer relationship with God.

Ask yourself today, when faced with a situation that upsets you, whether you would rather be right, or happy.  If being right is important to you, then judge away.  But if you consider the other times in the past when you have made the same choice, did it ever bring happiness?  If the answer is no, then you might want to consider the other choice – forgiveness.

Chose to be a creator, not a destroyer.  Chose love and forgiveness instead of judgement and fear.

And when you make the choice to forgive, start with the one person who needs its the most.

Yourself.